Should it really be this hard to find somebody.. I don't smoke, very rarely drink, I've never done any drugs of any sort, I don't sleep around, I'm old fashion and believe in dating and getting to know somebody rather than just jumping in bed and hoping for the best, I've got a good job, working on my second degree, I'm tall, in shape, and I'm told I'm attractive but it's really for others to decide.
I'm looking for somebody educated, has a job and your own transportation, active lifestyle and preferably in good to decent shape, and non smoker.
Other than the continuously miserable heat the women's water polo team advanced to the finals this morning beating Austrialia in overtime 11-9.. watched while having my oil changed since its to hot to do it in the driveway. Your picture gets mine, please change the subject line to what you think is your best quality and tell me a little about yourself please. I'm not looking for a pen pal or texting buddy, I'd like to find somebody willing to actually meet and do things together.

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Evil Genius looking for his Imp I was in Wal-Mart committing untold evils when an even more terrible thought tore through my sinister brain. I realized while constructing my wall of macaroni and cheese which was slowly closing off an entire isle that the work would be so much better if I had an evil imp at my side. That's when my diabolical plan slowly came together. If I had an imp she could do the work and together we would create beautiful chaos together. . .

So to that end, I require an Imp.

So why should you devote your life to worshiping my evil and participating in my plans, well to be honest the benefits are pretty poor. But I can guarantee that you will receive the following:
- Food on occasion, evil plans do require sustenance
- Adventure (Honestly this one is pretty much standard)
- No idea about what will happen next, we could be in jail or we could buy a bunch of dildos coat them in peanut butter and just try and return them. Honestly no telling.
- May be joined on adventures by my insatiable hell hound who feasts on love (Probably not a good trait for a hell hound)
- Grand tours of my lair of Madness

I know, just take a moment and soak in how amazing it is to be my imp, but becoming one is not easy.

Don't bother replying unless you meet the following criteria:
- Evil
- Female (I cannot stress how important it is for you to be female)
- Cute (A cute evil imp is the best, no one would ever expect one!)
- Smart-ish but also no self esteem so I can berate my Imp for being dumb then rip off her idea a few seconds later
- Must refer to me as Master and use a cockney British accent
- High energy (Imps must bounce around)
- Insanely Loyal

Bonus points if you meet the following criteria:
- Under 4 feet tall
- Green or extremely pale skin color
- Piercings (Okay I just like piercings, can't really work that into the imp thing)
- Between the ages of 18 years, 1 day, 16 hours, and 12 minutes; and 18 years, 14 days, 7 hours, and 9 minutes old
- Libertarian (Yes, Libertarian Imps are actually 16 percent more evil than a normal imp)

Okay and now for the free form session of our Imp program tonight. Email me detailing why you would be the best and most evil imp in the world please put in any special talents you may have. Also make the subject: IMP CASTING CALL so that I may sort you from the only thing worse than me SPAM BOTS.

Also if you can cast spells that would put you to the front of the line, a good fireball throwing imp is invaluable to my plans.

I look forward to the untold horrors your emails will bring.

The Master

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